


The Past Isn't How You Think It Is

by RottenVelvet



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Before Banana Fish, Cheating, Eiji's past, Health problem, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV First Person, Self-Harm, family problem
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-25
Updated: 2020-03-20
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:26:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21956617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RottenVelvet/pseuds/RottenVelvet
Summary: Everyone thought that Okumura Eiji's past has been peaceful but nobody knows the real story.
Relationships: Ibe Shunichi & Okumura Eiji
Comments: 5
Kudos: 44





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The reason why I wrote this is because there are less things about Eiji's past. So, I've decided to put my headcanon of his past altogether into a fanfic. Of course, some of the ideas came from Fly Boy in the Sky.  
> The only thing I'm not good at describing is about Eiji's father's illness. I'm not good at medical stuff so, sorry if it's a bit rushed when it's about him. 
> 
> I hope this is good and I do hope people will enjoy it.

Okumura Eiji, the first born son in the Okumura family who lives in Izumo,a city in Shimane prefecture.

The prince of Okumura Akihiko and Okumura Himeko.

That's me. I'm Okumura Eiji.

I was raised well by this beautiful couple. Everyday I was showered with love and affection. Both of my parents really loved me so much, especially my father who spoiled me a lot. 

Despite being a spoiled child, I did wish to have a younger sister. You may say that I was tired of being babied around. I really wanted to be a big brother! A responsible one!

One day, my wish was granted. When I was 6 years old, my cute and lovely younger sister was born. My parents named her Okumura Chinami. Chinami, 千波. Thousand waves.

Just like me, she was gifted with big beautiful brown eyes. Ah, I remember when she first opened her eyes in front of me. She would stare at me curiously and chirped at me. She's adorable and I love her so much… 

Everyday after school, I would always play with her. Screw food, shower or homework. My sister was my priority.

My other favourite family member is of course, my grandmother. Okumura Suzue. My grandmother is soft-spoken, kind and understand. That's not all. She's really good at cooking and baking! Whenever both of us have free time, I'd ask her to teach to make some Japanese desserts and food. The lesson turns out well. My grandmother is the best at teaching! Now I know how to cook or bake a lot of things. You name a dish and I will make it for you!

Anyway, I really love my family a lot. They are kind, understanding and supporting. Also, they are friendly with everyone around. I'm a bit of a shy type but I tried my best to be friendly with others, especially our neighbours and school friends, because I want to be like my parents and my grandmother.

This kindness, affection and love in this family, I know it'll never last. We're the most loving family ever in our town!

.

.

.

.

That's what I thought.

I was too naïve.

I thought we're going to be the most loving, happy family ever but I was wrong.

When I was 14, I was greeted with a shocking news. Something that I've never expected to happen to me.

I just got home from school and my mother told me to sit in the living room. She told me the shocking news as I was fiddling with my fingers,

"H-Huh?"

"You heard me, Eiji. Your father is sick and he got hospitalised." My mother said. She looked so… dishevelled and in distressed. That's not all. Her expression showed sadness and she refused to look at me. Maybe she's hiding the fact that she's holding back her tears. 

Honestly, I had a hard time believing in her. I don't believe in this. Yes, I do know that father is sick but not to that level. "Mother, you're lying… Right? You are. Father is fine. You're just trying to scare me." I said as I laughed bitterly.

My mother looked down, "嘘じゃない、英二."  _ This is not a lie, Eiji. _

"Your father is really sick and he might need to be hospitalised… for a few months." My mother told me. So… It's really that serious, huh?

I told myself not to think of that. Everything is alright. My father is going to heal soon. What happened to him? Oh yeah, liver problems. He'll be fine. It's not terminal!

… That's what I thought. When I visited my father, he doesn't look… so him. He looked so off. So skinny, pale and his skin has some yellowish spot too. Even when he's not in his best, he tried his best to smile at us whenever we visit.

Now that my father is hospitalised, no one is working and providing money anymore so, my mother took over that role. I wished I could help but I was too young. I couldn't get a part time job. Nobody wants a child to be working for them. That's illegal.

So, my duty was to take care of my younger sister and grandmother. My mum wasn't home from morning until late at night so that means she can't cook dinner for us or do the cleaning. I took over that role. I cooked for everyone and cleaned the house. I didn't want my grandmother to do anything. She's getting old now so she needs a rest. I can't expect my sister to do anything. She's too young but sometimes she did try to help me to clean around. She's really adorable when she tried so hard to reach the window so she can wipe it. She's too short to reach for the window actually.

I told her to not worry about it.  _ Niichan is here to clean that, _ I told her.

I don't mind cleaning and cooking a lot. It's very therapeutic honestly. I enjoyed what I do at home as much as how much I enjoyed school.

School was fun for me. I’ve made some friends despite being shy and I’ve joined a track team too to kill some time in school. Once I did pole vaulting,our coach was amazed at my skill so he decided to put me in a pole vaulting team. Everyone found me as incredible because I was the shortest member in the team and yet I had better records than them. They said I'm a small boy with a big potential.

I’ve decided to tell my father about this so, I went to the hospital to visit him. Like I said before, visiting him, seeing him hurt me so much but I tried to ignore that he’s really sick. I told myself that my father is only having small problem. My father is fine. With that state of mind, I could look at my father without feeling sad.

I told my father what happened in school. About myself being chosen to join the pole vaulting and how everyone was amazed with my records. My father smiled at me and congratulated me. He was really happy to hear that… He was so proud of me.

“Oh, by the way. Where’s your mother?”

“I thought she had already visited you before she went to work?” I looked at my father curiously as I was holding an apple, cutting it to pieces for him. “Really? She didn’t visit me this morning nor the day before.”

I stopped cutting the apple, “Wait… Really?” That’s weird. She told me she’s always leaving early because she wanted to see father before she goes to work and she told me she DID visit father. Was my father sleeping the whole time when she came to visit? 

“I guess you were still sleeping when she came over.”   
“That would be impossible because she can’t come over THAT early and besides, I’m always awake at 6 AM.”

Huh… That’s weird. So, mother lied to me? But why? Maybe she lied because she didn’t want me to get worried… Maybe she’s working extra hours? Yeah, that’s possible. 

When I came home, I cooked extra for tonight. As a way to tell my mother thank you for working extra hard for us. I really wish I could help my mother financially… One day when I’m older, I will help her! Like how I wished before, I want to be a responsible big brother. 

A few weeks had passed and my father kept on telling me the same thing,

“Your mother didn’t come today.”

“But she promised to come everyday… Maybe she’s working extra hours, otousan. You never know.” 

Guilt is written all over my father’s face. I knew what he’s thinking. “Otousan, it’s not your fault that she’s working extra hard. She’s fine with this. She loves you so this is what she can do to help you.” I said, hoping my words will calm my father. I patted his shoulder softly, trying to cheer him up. “I know but… She’s going to stress herself because of me and I don’t want that.” He said. I rubbed his back gently, “Nonsense. She’s not stressed. She enjoyed working. I know because once I woke up in the middle of the night, I went downstairs to the kitchen to get a glass of water and then I saw mother came home. She was smiling and humming happily. I can tell she really enjoyed working, so don’t worry.” My father really needs to stop blaming himself for my mother working extra hours. It’s not his fault to fall ill like this. I wish I can make him stop blaming himself.

Once my father cheered up, I told him that I needed to go. It was almost late anyway so I had to leave. 

I left the hospital after taking care of my father for a bit. I looked at my watch. I could see that I had time to buy groceries so I went to the town to buy some groceries for dinner. 

In the supermarket, I browsed around and wondered what I should make for dinner. After a lot of brainstorming, I've decided to settle with curry. I took some ingredients for making curry and then made my way towards the cash register.

When I exited the supermarket, I saw a familiar lady walking in front of me. She’s hugging a guy’s arm. Both of them were laughing and chatting with each other. When I looked at the lady again, I've realised why does the lady looks familiar to me,

Now I know why my mother left home early and came home late…

She’s seeing another guy behind my father’s back… I hope I was seeing things but no, that's totally my mother.

How could she do this to father? Father is lying in the hospital, waiting for her beloved wife to visit him and yet here she is, dating another guy behind his back! 

… I really need to confront her tonight about this. I don't care if I come out as rude but what she's doing is worst. 

Once night falls, I waited for my mother to come home. I sat in the living room, sitting under the kotatsu while watching the TV. It's getting late now… She'll be back any minute now and I was right. 5 minutes later, I heard the front door slid open and then I heard footsteps. They're getting closer to the living room.

My mother walked into the living room, looking at me curiously. "Eichan, it's already 1 AM. You should go to bed." She said. She leaned on the wall when I didn't answer her, "Eiji, do you hear me? Go to bed."

"What were you doing until this late, okaasan?" I said with a cold tone. I don't know what was my mother's reaction but I bet she was shocked to hear my tone.

"I was working extra hours for your father's bills. What's wrong?"

"ウソツキ。"  _ Liar.  _

"Huh?!"

I turned to face her. My brown eyes are burning with anger. "You told me you went to work but you are LYING to me and otousan." I said, gritting my teeth. She raised an eyebrow, acting all dumb and innocent. I can totally see that she's acting. I'm his son. I know her well. 

"I don't know what you're talking about, Eiji."

Oh this angered me a lot. I stood up and stormed up to her, "Don't lie to me, okaasan. Your expression is telling me all. You're lying." I said, sounding harsh. My mother looked at me with an angered expression, "Eiji, I've never taught you to be this rude."

"Well, now you've made me rude! You lied to me and otousan! You said you wanted to see otousan before you go to work. You said you were working extra hours but no, you're lying. You went out with another guy, behind otousan's back. How could you?!" 

I watched as my mother's expression changed to shocked. She then kept her cool façade. "I don't know what you're talking about. I wasn't with a guy."

I clenched my fist. I'm so pissed right now. I yelled, "Stop lying!! I saw you were hugging another guy's arm!! Okaasan, otousan was waiting for you at the hospital and yet you dared to go out with another guy!! Kissing the guy and--" Before I could finish my sentences, my mother slapped me.

I heard footsteps running towards us. It's my grandmother. She woke up after she heard me yelling. "What on earth is happening?!" She walked up to us.

I do want to tell my grandmother about it.

"Nothing, okaasan. Just a misunderstanding and Eiji being rude to me." My mother said, glaring at me. "Eiji, I've never taught you to yell at me like that." She scolded me. Oh yeah?! She made me do this! 

"That's right, Eichan. You shouldn't yell at your mother. That's rude." My grandmother said. "But--" My grandmother placed her hand on my shoulder, "Come on now. You need to apologise to your mother." She said softly, pushing me towards my mother. I stood there, glaring at my mother. "Yes, Eichan. Apologise to me. Now."

I clenched my fist. No way in hell I would apologise. I did the right thing. Confronting her for what she did to my father.

"Apologise to otousan first!!" I yelled again.

"Eiji--" My grandmother was about to hold my shoulder but I turned around and ran upstairs to my room. I slammed my door room closed and locked it. I buried myself under my blanket.

How could my mother do this to my father and then lying to me that she wasn't going out with another guy? My father loves her and trusts her a lot but… my mother betrayed him. Why is she doing this? What happened to my family? Is it crumbling down? Why is it crumbling down? 

Tears trickled down to my cheeks.

What happened to my loving and supporting family?

God, please don't take that away from me.

God, please don't take my father away too. 

More tears streamed down my cheeks.

I love my family… I don't like what is happening right now… Please… I'm hoping this is just a nightmare.

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. Slowy, I fell asleep with my tears still covering my cheeks.

I hope it's a dream.

I hope this is just a nightmare.

Of course it's not. This is reality.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a short chapter. Oops.

The next day, thankfully, my mother wasn't around when I was getting breakfast ready. Of course she left for  _ work _ . That's good then. At least I don't have to see her damn face and get my mood spoiled. 

I cooked something simple for my grandmother and sister. Rice, natto, miso soup, raw eggs for my grandmother and oyakodon for my little sister. They'll be up any minute. Well, my grandmother will but my little sister, I had to wake her up.

I went to her bedroom, kneeled down next to her and patted her head, "チちゃん、起きて。朝だよ。" _ Chi-chan, wake up. It's morning. _

I heard her grumbling and whining under the blanket. She has her head covered with her blanket. "If you don't wake up, you'll be late for school." I said softly, patting her head once more. "I'm tired…" She whined. I held her hand and slowly pulled her up, making her sit. Her short bob hair is everywhere. All messy like a bird's nest. She rubbed her eyes and yawned. "Come on. Do you want Yuki-chan to leave you? You did promise her that you'll wake up early and walk to school with her, right?" I brushed her hair softly with my fingers. 

Yuki is my sister's best friend and our neighbour's daughter. They've been friends since little.

My little sister groaned, "But I'm tired." She whined. I chuckled at her and kissed her forehead, "Why are you so tired today? Did you stay up late last night?" I asked.

My sister shook her head, "You and okaasan were loud last night… I couldn't sleep." She yawned again. Ah, yes. We were arguing last night… To be honest, I think I was really loud. I was yelling at my mother… Gosh, I feel bad now. I'm the reason why my sister didn't get a good sleep.

I smiled at my sister softly, "Chi-chan, I promise you that you can take a nap after school. Okay?" I patted her head again. She grumbled and grunted. She pulled out her pinky, "約束?"  _ Promise? _

"約束。"  _ Promise.  _ We pink swore.

I watched as my little sister giving her all to stand up from her futon. I chuckled a little as I watched her walking out from her room, all wobbly. I heard my grandmother's voice, "Be careful." She said to my little sister. I wonder if my sister nearly ran into a wall or something. Imagining that made me laugh.

I walked out to the dining room and smiled at my grandmother, "おはようございます、ばあちゃん。"  _ Good morning, grandmother. _ My grandmother looked at me and smiled, "おはよう、英ちゃん."  _ Good morning, Eichan. _ "Do you have practice today after school?" She asked.

I served her breakfast along with a cup of hot green tea. "あぁ、はい。"  _ Yes.  _ I nodded. My grandmother took the cup and sipped the tea, "Don't worry about tonight's dinner, Eichan. Let me cook for once. Sitting at home while doing nothing is quite boring." She said. 

"Ah, butー"

"Please, Eichan. I may be old but I can still cook." My grandmother looked at me with an assuring look. I sighed in defeat. I can't change her mind at all. If she said she wants to do something, you can't change her mind. That's my grandmother.

I nodded, "Alright. You're in charge in the kitchen for tonight." 

My grandmother grabbed her chopsticks and started eating her breakfast, "Anyway, Eichan. What happened last night? Why were you yelling at your mother?"

Shit! I didn't think of an excuse yet! Ugh… I don't want to tell her the real thing nor do I want my father to know about this. I don't want this family to break apart… Not yet. Not now. Chinami needs to live in a family even if my mother is a cheater and my father is in the hospital. Chinami can't be living in a family with a drama like this.

.

.

.

"Oh… I was worried about okaasan. I heard she's working extra hours and she hadn't visit otousan too so yeah…" That's a lie.

My grandmother nodded. I wonder if she believes in me. I'm really bad at lying… Most of the time. 

"Eichan, you shouldn't be like that. You do know she's working hard for us, right?" My grandmother said, scooping her natto and ate it. "Yeah… I know but I couldn't help to yell at her because I was worried and upset."

"Eichan, that's wrong to do that. You need to apologise to her when she gets home."

I don't think that will ever happen. First, she'll come home when I'm already asleep and second, I will never apologise to her. I did the right thing. Confronting her. She cheated so she deserved to get yelled at.

Of course, I don't dare to tell my grandmother anything.

"...はい。"  _ Okay. _ Okay… I guess I'll apologise to her. Kinda. Who knows what I'm going to do.

■■■■■■■■■

"That's still no good, Okumura."

"Huh?" I looked at my coach, Morikawa from the mattress that I landed on when I was vaulting.

It's after school. I have pole vault practice today, tomorrow and the day after. All of us have to do our best because the competition is right around the corner.

"You're still no good, Okumura. This isn't a performance that's suitable for a competition." 

Huh?! How is it not good? When I was vaulting, people were clapping! 

Or was it to show that they're kind enough to clap even though I suck?

"You're right, sensei. Okumura was a bit slow so his performance seems a bit eh today." I turned to see my senior, Hoshitake approaching my coach and I. "I don't think he can win against Mizuno." 

Mizuwho? 

"Ah yes. Mizuno Kazuhiko from Meisei Junior High. He's really good, huh?" Morikawa-sensei said to Hoshitake-senpai. I blinked at them, "Um… Do I know this Mizuno guy?" 

"I don't think so. This'll be your first competition, right?" Hoshitake-senpai asked. "Yes." I nodded. "Yeah, you've never seen or met him before. He's Meisei Junior High's best vaulter." My senpai said.

How good is this guy anyway? Too good until everyone talks about him, always? Everyone in Shimane is talking about him? Oh, I will take that crown from him. Mark my words, Mizuno.

"Anyway, Okumura. You're not good enough to go against Mizuno. You need to do this correctly if you want to steal Mizuno's crown." My coach said. I looked at him with determination. I WILL steal his crown, throne, whatever he has.

So, I continued vaulting during that evening until my coach is satisfied with my result. He told me it wasn't as good as Mizuno but I did better than how I did at first, so that's good.

My coach told me that I have to defeat Mizuno during the competition.

I promised him that I will.

I will be taking the first place from him.

Just you wait, Mizuno. I, Okumura Eiji will win this competition and comes out as number one!

.

.

.

.

"First place goes to Mizuno Kazuhiko from Meisei Junior High. Second goes to Taniguchi Ito from Hikawanishi Junior High and last but not least, third place goes to Okumura Eiji from San'nouji Junior High."

How did it come to this? I've practiced a lot before the competition… and I tried my best to deliver a beautiful jump but… How did I lose to two guys? 

I looked at my coach and he looked… so disappointed. Oh no. I knew I would disappoint him! I'm an idiot for thinking that I'll win this competition and giving my coach a high hope. 

My coach walked towards me and placed his hand on my shoulder. He had a serious face too…

"Don't worry, Okumura. You did your best." How can he say that with that expression? Serious? Disappointment? I will never know.

My coach told me to practice a lot so I did but I made sure that I didn't end up neglecting my grandmother and sister.

I tried my best to juggle with practicing and taking care of my grandmother and sister. As for my relationship with my mother, we're getting far away from each other as day goes by. I didn't apologise to her. I don't think I want to.

Yes, my grandmother asked me if I did apologise to my mother. I gave pole vault practice as an excuse. I've been busy practicing and too exhausted to stay up late for my mother. Even during the weekends.

Anyway, all of my hard work has paid off. I'm now on second place during the competition but unfortunately, I didn't get to defeat Mizuno. Maybe not today… Maybe one day when we're both in high school, I will defeat him.

I will. I will make my coach and seniors proud of me.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: self-harm.

During my senior year of Junior High, my father was discharged from the hospital. The doctor told us that he has recovered. He looks healthy too so that's a relief for me. 

Also, my pole vaulting performance is improving as well and all my coach did was showering me with praises. I swore I can see jealousy hinted in my teammates’ eyes.

I was thinking, maybe luck is on my side now. Maybe life is getting better for me now. Of course you’ll have a downfall moment in life but it’s not permanent. It's temporary. That’s what I thought and believed in. Unfortunately, I couldn’t change my mother cheating on my father. I tried to but I don’t want my father to get involved. It might make him sick again so I didn’t say anything to him. Well, it’s fine. At least two things from my life are getting better.

That’s what I thought.

That’s what I believed in.

I was a fool to think that my life is changing to something better. It turned worse. 

My father was hospitalised again when I started high school and I heard that this time, his condition is far worse than before. My uncle has finally come to Izumo, to give my family a hand. 

My uncle told me that he will help me to pay for my school fees. 

I don’t want that.

I told my uncle to not worry about it. If anything happens, I’ll try to get my own job to pay for my school fees or for university.

I heard that I can earn a scholarship for sports school. I should try to get that.

So, I did. I tried my best to accomplish that goal. I pushed myself to be better at pole vaulting. I pushed myself to train everyday. Training every minute that I have.

Until the sport becomes unenjoyable.

I felt numb whenever I vaulted.

My performance was gradually becoming bad.

I have no passion anymore.

My coach realised my performance. He has been talking to me alot. Asking what's wrong.

I didn't tell him anything. All I told him was, "I'm tired." 

He told me to take a few days off but I refused to. Instead of telling me to take a break, he ordered me to take a break. I had no choice but to listen to him.

A few days of doing nothing. Instead of doing nothing, I've decided to visit my father everyday during my break.

Bad idea.

The looks of my father hurt me a lot. Looking at his yellow skin, his body is slowly turning skinny, he looks so pale.

As if he's dying now.

As if he's not going to come out alive anymore.

Am I losing him?

Are we losing him?

I don't want that to happen. I love my father. He's understanding, fun to be with and loving. My father is the best and I don't want to lose him…

I approached my father and sat on the chair placed next to his bed. My father slowly opened his eyes and looked at me, "Eichan… You look exhausted."

Not only exhausted, I'm stressed. I'm feeling down seeing him like this. I can't accept this…

"Yeah, I've been doing a lot of training lately." I scratched my head. "Otousan, has okaasan visits you today?" The question that I will never stop asking.

"No. She didn't come over yesterday."

Oh dear God… Wow. Your husband is dying in the hospital and you have the audacity to cheat on him?! What a heartless woman. I can't believe she's my mother.

"I see… Must be busy." I said. I don't want my father to know what's going on. He can't know anything but I know my father is looking at me curiously because my face is telling him that I'm stressed and upset.

"Eichan… Don't be upset. Your mother is busy working, trying to feed you, your sister and your obaachan." 

I wished that's the reason why she has been busy.

I smiled at my father softly, "I understand."

■■■■■■■■■

Father dying in the hospital,

mother cheating,

Why does my life turned upside down?

And plus, my performance on vaulting is getting bad too. 

Is life trying to push me down? Why? What did I do wrong? Does life hate me this much?

I was staring at my desk in my class but then my attention shifted to one of the girls in my class. 

She has her sleeves folded. It was the end of the day. Students were asked to clean the school so most students have their sleeves folded to prevent their sleeves from getting dirty.

Anyway, my classmate. She's talking to my other classmate, laughing happily but I've realised something on her arms. Scars… Maybe from self-harm? What does it do? Is it calming?

… Should I?

People said to not copy what others do.

I know I shouldn't but I was curious.

I wanted to lessen the pain. I'd do anything to relieve it, even if it's a bit.

So, when I came home, I looked for a sharp object. A scissor, a razor blade, anything works.

I rummaged inside my drawer, hoping to find something. I found a lot of stuff in there like my pencils, an old game console, coins and some other nonsense in there.

I stopped when my hand touched a box cutter.

I grabbed it and closed my drawer.

I sat on my bed, inspecting the box cutter.

I folded my left sleeve and I pushed the box cutter open. The blade is positioned on my arm. My hand is shaking. It's easy to do this right? I just gotta cut myself and that's it…

Why can't my hand move? Am I a coward? Why is it so hard to move?

After failing at attempting to cut myself, I put the box cutter away and sighed.

_ Maybe next time. _

The next day, I started vaulting again after resting for a few days. I thought my performance was getting better but obviously it's getting worse than before.

My coach is getting really disappointed with me so he pulled me away after training.

"What is going on?" My coach asked. I don't know what to answer nor do I want to so I kept quiet. The silence made my coach pissed. "Okumura, you've been lazing around. Aren't you?! You're not taking any of this seriously!" He yelled.

I looked at him with a shocked expression, "Is that what you think of me? Lazing around?" How can he think of that about me when I'm one of the star vaulters in this school?!

"Then, what makes you this weak? It's obvious that you're pure lazy and not taking this seriously! If you keep continuing like this, you should say goodbye to your scholarship!" He yelled again. 

I clenched my fist and took a deep breath, "Fine. I don't care about that scholarship." I said as I walked away. "Okumura, wait!"

I didn't listen to my coach calling for me. I continued to walk away, walked to the changing room. I took my exercise clothes off and wrapped myself with a towel as I walked to the shower room.

"Man, Okumura is getting bad." That's the first thing I heard as I entered the shower room.

"I know, right? But then again, that's my chance to steal his spotlight." Another guy said.

They're my… teammates.

"I heard that the coach wanted to give him a scholarship. Why don't you snatch that away from him?" 

…

I stepped into one of the empty stalls and turned the tap on.

"You think that's Okumura?"

"Who knows and who cares if he heard us." 

Can't believe that my own teammates don't like me. I thought they did… I really shouldn't trust anyone at all.

After I was done showering, I dressed up and went home. 

I was walking home but then I saw my mother… kissing a guy? Near our house? What?

Our neighbours will see them! What will they say about this?!

I stomped towards my mother and grabbed her arm. I could hear her gasping but I didn't care. I pulled her into our house and slammed the door shut.

My mother glared at me, "What is wrong with you, Eiji?!" She yelled.

My eyes opened wide.

"You. What is wrong with  _ YOU _ ? Kissing in front of our house? What if our neighbours see you like that?! Are you trying to embarrass otousan?! Is that it?! You'll make his condition worse! Don't you know the consequences?!" I yelled at her. 

My grandmother rushed towards us, "What in the world is going on?! Are you guys arguing AGAIN?!" 

Again, I refused to tell my grandmother what happened so I stomped into my room.

I slammed my door shut and cried. 

Today is tiring and hurtful! Why is life being this cruel to me?! Make it stop please… What did I do to deserve this?! 

My eyes turned to the direction of the box cutter that I left on the table yesterday. 

I took it and cut my wrist without thinking.

I blinked when I saw a red line on my wrist… Blood oozing out from the cut… 

Painful… Really painful… and yet… it calmed my raging thought? 

This is wonderful… This is fun… I deserved this, right? Haha… Fun… 

It wasn't fun. It was horrifying to know that I've injured myself and I found it calming. 

I told myself to not do it anymore.

I told myself to not touch the box cutter.

But I've failed to do so.

I cut myself to cope with everything. To distract me from my problems.

Nobody knows about this. Not even my family notices this. 

I did a great job of hiding this from everyone.


	4. Hiatus, perhaps

Hey, guys. Sorry for not updating this fic.

Been busy. I have a lot of things that needs to be drawn. Yes,I draw and I'm doing terrible at it haha.

I'm not planning to abandon this fic. I have the points written down but since I've been busy, I didn't get to write anything and plus, there are some parts that I don't know how to write.

Again, I'm sorry.

If anyone is interested, feel to follow me on twitter:

[main twitter](https://twitter.com/Rotten_Velvet)

[art twitter](https://twitter.com/RvelvetArts)


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